Today I ate a lot of cheese, even though dairy makes me feel ill, and I drank Diet Coke and pink wine, and I cried in my bed. I also did some other things, but those are the ones that stick out. I try to treasure my days off because they seem to be increasingly rare, but today was really a fucking waste. My own fault, for sure – I didn’t go hiking, I didn’t clean my room, I didn’t do the boring bureaucratic chores that needed to get done – but honestly, how are we supposed to exist when everything is on fire at the same time? I know the answers. I know that Betsy DeVos being confirmed is not the most damaging blow we will face over the next four years and I know it will not do to crumple under the force of these strikes – but fuck. I think about the baby I dream of raising with Alley in the next few years and I just cry and cry and cry.
Before I knew Betsy DeVos would be confirmed today – didn’t I know, though? Didn’t I understand that it was inevitable, that all his cabinet picks are inevitable, that the fight will be so long and it will often not look like victory and people will be hurt along the way? I’m crying again… – but before I knew, I wanted to write about zines. I wanted to write about creativity, and how proud I am to be part of a community of people who make art about our lives, who string words and images and notes together to make noise, who say WE ARE HERE.
I don’t have the energy for that now. It’s 2am and I’m working tomorrow and everything is a mess and I’m hopped up on sugar and cheese. But this is like a post-it note for myself in the ether, I guess. A to-do list for tomorrow and the next day and the next:
Write about zines. Write about creativity as resistance and creativity as necessity and creativity as victory. While you’re at it – write about non-linear journeys, write about your Saturn Return, write about the hikes you’ve taken and the hikes you’re going to take, write about Glacier National Park, write about your love of learning how to can, write about your broken heart.
Get brave. Keep writing the truth. Go to bed right now. xoxo, Your Self